The Letter "R": Role Model
Mr. Fellers (photo taken some time after
his retirement)
When I was in high school, I had the great fortune of having a most remarkable teacher. Mr. Fellers was my German teacher. Every school day for three years, I had the joy of being his student. I learned much more than German vocabulary and grammar, I learned a way to approach life in ways I would never have learned from anyone else.
When I was a child, school was a place I went to with great joy. School was a place where I earned respect and encouragement from my teachers that my parents never gave me. Being in school and doing well gave me a sense of well being I did not have at home.
But it wasn’t until the 10th grade when I sat in Mr. Fellers’ class that I found someone that I wanted to pattern my attitudes and outlook on. With each class, and each year that passed, the more I wanted to be “just like him”. He became my role model.
Mr. Fellers had a remarkable zest and joy for life. He was educated, but not a stuffy snob. He was fluent in German, Spanish and French. He traveled extensively. He was well versed in literature, the arts, history, current affairs, and probably much more than I ever will know.
Classes were a joy. Sure, there was the tedium of vocabulary and grammar. But somehow, Mr. Fellers found a way to make it interesting. Maybe it was the way he tied it in to his experiences and joy of life. This was especially evident on Fridays when we spent class time singing German Folk songs. We would learn about the songs, not only what the song’s words meant, but the history behind the song, and what significance it may have had. Even if it was just a beer drinking song “Ein Prosit..”
Mr. Fellers would lead our class singing, while grinning ear to ear, 25 of us caught up in his enthusiasm rocking back and forth elbows locked together, caught up in the joy of a Friday class. There was not one student who did not love Mr. Fellers.
Mr. Fellers retired the year I graduated from High School. All that year, he stated that he was happy and proud to be leaving at the same time that his favorite class would graduate. We all felt a certain pride in knowing that.
Being extraordinarily shy during high school, I never spent much time talking with Mr. Fellers on a personal level. I have always regretted that. I wish I could have spent more time picking his brains and learning more from him. But I always scurried away when the opportunity presented itself. I earned my straight A’s from him, did extra independent study in comparative German literature, and he took great pride when I won a regional German Studies competition. I wanted to tell him how I appreciated him as a teacher and how he shaped my life.
But my shyness prevented me from it.
Many years later, as luck would have it, my mom and Mr. Fellers became friends. She and her friend Pepe would have Mr. and Mrs. Fellers over for the occasional dinner. Mr. Fellers would ask how I was. By then, I lived in California, far away from Glens Falls NY.
Then, one day there was a phone call from my mom. “You will never guess who is with me!” she exclaimed. Then I heard his voice. It was him on the phone. All the memories, and what I learned from him came rushing back. We talked about what transpired in the last 25 or so years. At least, as much as we could in 20 minutes.
When I hung up, I cried.
Mr. Fellers, in one way or another had shaped my life in so many ways. And in so many ways, his persona was with me every day. I had to tell him. He needed to know.
He gave me his address while we were on the phone. I sat down and wrote a long letter. At long last, I would tell him how he was my role model. How in many ways he was a “parent” to me that my own parents were not. That from him, I learned to be curious about everything, to love literature, music, art, to take joy in learning and experiencing different cultures, and to take risks to learn and explore the world.
My letter was some 10 pages long. I explained to him my shyness as a student, how I wished I could have told him how important he was to me then, and still is at the present time. When I got done, I wondered if the letter sounded a bit overdone. Should I send it? Would he believe me? Would he think I was exaggerating? Would he think it was a silly letter? Was it inappropriate?
I read what I wrote. It was all true. None of it was exaggerated or made up. He deserved to know how much he affected the life of one of his students. I put the letter in the envelope and mailed it.
A couple of weeks later, I got a call from my mom. She told me that Mr. Fellers called her to tell her he received a most amazing letter from me. She said he was crying, he was so moved.
Shortly thereafter, I received a letter from Mr. Fellers. He told me how thrilled he was to get my letter, and how much it meant to him. This letter made all of his years teaching worthwhile. He said I was his favorite student (which of course he could never tell me at the time).
His letter brought me to tears. I knew I did the right thing by sending that letter. I learned that it is so important to tell the people that are important to us in any fashion what they mean to us. Never hold that back. Mr. Fellers had taught me yet another gem of a lesson.
We remained in contact irregularly for several years. My last attempt to contact him while visiting my mom in upstate NY was unsuccessful. I fear the worst. But Mr. Fellers is still alive and well in my heart.
He still shapes so much of who I am. I still think of him when I travel, when I am in a museum, when I am reading literature and I can still see him grinning ear to ear whenever I hear a traditional German folksong.
