DANGER!!!! BRAIN OVERLOAD!!!

I don’t know about you, but my brain is on overload. I don’t know if I have just reached my natural limit, or if my limit is affected by age. I just can’t seem to find a spot in my grey matter to file one more damned group of letters or numbers.

I have had it! One more group of numbers or password to memorize and my head will explode like a tomato hit with a sledge hammer.

Do you think I am nuts, or exaggerating greatly? Maybe I am just a whinny complainer? Here is my list. Maybe you don’t think it’s too much, maybe you can handle it better than I can.

I have a phone number at work(main line), my direct phone line at work, a fax number, my work cell phone number,  a number to call the answering service for messages, a number to unroll the phones at work in the morning, a number to roll the phones over to the answering service at night and let's not forget the extensions, when I need to transfer a call to one of my coworkers, all 9 of them. Then there is my home phone number, Jasmine’s phone number, Steve’s cell phone, My dad’s phone, my mom’s phone, my sister’s phone.

Good thing I don’t have a personal cell phone number. Good thing I don’t have any friends, otherwise there would be more phone numbers for me to know.

There are numbers of the regulations I cite. I used to know more by heart. Now I can’t remember if I need T8CCR 5194 or if I need T88CCR  5144. I have to fill out my forms: a form 7, and form 31, and 36, a form 1A , a 1B   a 10, a 170 and a 170a, (that’s just the start) and guess what information I have to provide on these forms? More Numbers!! I have to know the PEL’s,: is MEK 50ppm, how about Pb? Is the Db trigger 85 or 90? How about CO, is the PEL 25, and what is the STEL, is there an IDLH?   Who can be 7 ft high without fall protection, is a roofer ok at 20ft? How deep can a trench be before they need a permit? How many of this, how many of that. The regulations I enforce are like that. Numbers and letters, I need to know by heart. Such is my life as a CSHO at CAL/OSHA. Letters and numbers, numbers and letters.

And what is my PO Box number? Don’t even ask me what my license plate number is. I cannot remember it even though I have had the car for 11 years. My checking account has numbers, so does my savings account. There are numbers for my 401K, and a Sep Ira account: numbers to keep track of more numbers.

I dress by the numbers: I need to remember my pant size, my shirt size, my shoe size in both American and European numbers, my bra size and underwear size. I have stopped wearing rings.

Oh...I better never forget my social security number. I can't remember my passport number, despite the number of times I have had to write it out.

Please don't ask me for my resale number, I think I would rather pay the tax.

There are bead sizes and numbers. Is DB 200 what I need or is 201 better? What are the benefits of using DB 10 over DB310? Do I need bead size 11 or a 15? Or maybe a 10 or 6? Is a size 12 needle good with size B thread, is size 18 gauge wire bigger or smaller than a 16? Are the numbers consistent from store to store, or does each store have their own numbering system? 3mm, 4mm, how many to the inch? Are the beads sold by grams or by mass, and how many in each?

 Add to this list  a plethora of logins with passwords. I have a password for my computer at work, a password for the Federal System we enter our work into, a password for the Federal website, my work phone has a password for voice mail. And these must change every 3 months.  There is a password for entering my mileage log at work, so I can enter more numbers. My work cell phone has a password for voice mail. To get into my office, I have to key in the numbers to unset the alarm, and if I am the last to leave, I have to key in the numbers to set the alarm. If I arrive at the building before 7am, I have to key in the numbers just to get inside of the building where our office is in.

It doesn’t stop there…My bank cards, and debit cards have passwords, I have a password for my email account, a password for my website and blogs. There is a password for bead-patterns.com, a password for Ebay, for Etsy, Zazzle, Helium, Amazon as a seller, for Amazon as a buyer, my Yahoo account, my Google account, and Paypal account and for my retirement account.

Do I need a password to use the bathroom?

No, I have not reached the end of the list yet. I have a password for Shipwreck Beads, Fire Mountain Gems, Czech Beads, Caravan Beads, Tierra Cast, Vintaj, and the list of bead shops continues ad nauseum . I will stop here, otherwise this list will look like a phone book for a major metropolis. (because I can’t just shop for beads in one place…sheez!!)

Every place I shop on line wants me to set up an account…another password. Buying shoes? Get a password. Buy a pretty blouse, get a password. Buy a garden gnome, get a password.  Oh wonders of wonders, a miracle at times happens!! I love it when I can shop as a GUEST!

This is all bad enough when I can choose my own login and password. There are some of my passwords that are assigned to me, without a chance of me changing it to something I can remember. Try remembering a password like 12b5#LoGhxty2. There is no way I can remember that, AND it is CaSe sENsitIVE to boot!!

Don't get me started on email addresses!

Equally troubling are the cards I need to carry around. A card for Safeway, a card for Petco, Costco, a card for Staples and for Office max. There is a card for Una Mas for my burritos, and a Baja Fresh card for when I can’t find an Una Mas, a card for the UPS store, don’t even try renting a video with out a card. My Barnes and Nobles and Borders card are almost worn out. I wish I could burn my credit cards.

There is my Health insurance card, my Driver’s license, where did I put my car registration and car insurance card? Do I really need a Starbuck’s card? A “perks” card at the fat lady store, library card and  my AARP card.

So the next time someone asks me for my phone number, or fax number, or if they need my zip code at the gas station pump, if my face turns color, and my head spins around like a rolodex rolling down a ski jump and I start spurting and gurgling…don’t worry, don’t be alarmed…give me a moment, I am just trying to find the information.

Bragging Rights: Gretchen Trumbull

I really love how Gretchen decided to display Polar Express! The box really makes the tapestry look very impressive. It is one of the nicest ways of displaying a tapestry I have seen.

Arizona

I debated with myself if I should write on this topic or not. It is a political hot potato. I have my opinions. But since I have never been afraid to voice my opinion and this is my blog…I can write what I wish right? I don’t stick to an all-bead-all-the-time format. If you have been following along for a time, you should know that.

I will make my stance. I have no desire to be politically correct. I hate political correctness So if you are of the sensitive type and will be easily offended stop here. Come back tomorrow so I don’t piss you off.

Before I begin…I want to preface this post by saying this: Politically speaking I am a moderate. I am neither a liberal nor am I conservative. I am not a Democrat nor am I a Republican. On some issues, my feet are firmly planted in the land of the liberals, on others I find myself schmoozing with the Republicans.

One reminder, in case you have forgotten. **I am an immigrant**.

And I am NOT a racist. I am all for wanting diversity, and the ability to experience all cultures. I love them all.

I have been watching with great interest the whole evolving story on Arizona’s Immigration Law. Before it got passed, I couldn’t help but smile. Boy Arizona has a lot of Hutzpah. Even though Arizona is known for other tough stances (such as the sheriff who puts inmates in pink uniforms), I really didn’t expect the law to pass.

When I heard that the law had passed, I smiled again. About god-damned time a stance was made! About time a serious effort was made to control **ILLEGAL** IMMIGRATION.

No big surprise, now comes the outfall, and all the accusations. Arizona is becoming a Police State, Arizona is ignoring civil rights, Arizona will be racial profiling. Arizona has run amuck.

The Federal Government has failed miserably, and shamefully at protecting our borders.  Illegal immigrants from any number of countries cross the borders. Many try to assimilate as best they can. They learn English and they work hard. Others come across the border (usually from Mexico and Central America) just to work.  They work the season, then go home with the money they earned. They have no desire to learn English, they only come just to work. Others come to set up permanent residency. They may or may not work. Often, they will make use of our health services, our schools and our welfare system, all of it funded by tax payers dollars.

I admire those who risk life and limb to come here  to work. They want to provide for their families in a manner in which they cannot in their home country. They work hard. To toil in the sun working in agriculture or construction is not easy. The conditions can be severe. Others who work in food canning, or other types of labor don’t have it easy either. I see this nearly every day during the course of my day job. I SEE what the laborers are dealing with.

It is true, that our crops, our groceries and many of the other things we enjoy, we have because of the labor provided by non Americans. But does this mean we have to allow immigration that is illegal? Does this mean that a whole series of clinics needs to be funded and chartered by the Obama administration to the tune of over $250,000 to service PRIMARILY ***illegals*** as it is within a few miles of where I live? It is OUR tax dollars being spent on non Americans. Are we nuts?

Arizona wants to be able to stop people and ask for their papers to prove citizenship. What’s wrong with that? When we get stopped for a traffic violation, we have to provide papers. If you look young enough, you have to provide an ID to buy liquor. To use a credit card, you should be asked to provide some sort of ID. If someone is here illegally, should they not be sent "home"? Should not someone check the fields now and then to see if illegals are working?

I don’t see anything wrong with that. Racial profiling? Oh get over it. Seeing that MOST illegals in the border states are from a Hispanic background, I would say chances are much higher in finding an illegal by asking a Hispanic person for proof of citizenship than it would be a black or white person, even though I will grant it is possible to find illegal blacks and whites. And if you are of Hispanic descent, then BE PROUD to be able to prove your citizenship!! You are here legally, whether by birth or by LEGAL immigration. Proudly hand over the proof that you are legal! 

Whether looking for illegals or if you're looking for members of the Taliban, sometimes racial profiling helps. I am sorry, but this is true. I am not advocating bad treatment based on race at all, but if you are looking for illegal Vietnamese, would you be rounding up horses?

It appalls me that there are some who think that Arizona has gone overboard.  Perhaps Arizona has not fully considered all the details of their new laws. Any law that is newly promulgated will have glitches and will have things that will need to be ironed out. I have not seen a new law in my line of work that was not wrought with problems, and has not been changed 2 or 3 years after it was put into effect. Problems aside, Arizona is trying to do what our Federal Government does not have the testicular fortitude to do, PROTECT OUR BORDERS AND OUR CITIZENS. For that, I applaud Arizona.

The talk of boycotting Arizona companies and products is ridiculous. Stand by Arizona. Help them protect the US. Sure the law has to be tweaked, but we must start somewhere. Don’t join in the idiocy of boycotting an attempt of protecting ourselves or of stopping our tax dollars go to pay for services of the illegals that our own citizens can’t receive. To those fools who said they won’t drink Arizona Iced Tea because of the law,  and that it is a fascist drink, get a brain. Arizona Iced Tea is made in NEW YORK. Just shows you the rampant stupidity out there.

With Texas, Utah, Georgia, Ohio and Maryland contemplating similar immigration laws, it shows that many Americans are fed up with this problem and our costs of illegal immigration. We are tired of pandering to the demands of those who aren’t citizens, such as demanding to speak in their own language, and making use of benefits paid for by the US tax payers. This is no longer the 1700’s when immigration was to a wide open country. We cannot afford to be refuge for the world.

 We need to keep immigration legal. We need to control our borders. Perhaps we do need a labor force from Mexico, Central America and other countries. Why can’t we find a means to allow workers from other countries to work here LEGALLY. Perhaps some sort of work visa…

So on a lighter note: how about an creating an AMIGO Card? (I don’t know the word for friend in Vietnamese or in Cambodian, otherwise I could use that instead).

Yes, an AMIGO card might be a good thing. The benefits:

1. Get the card punched for every time you cross the border (for a $5 fee). Every 10^th time is FREE.

2. One Get out of Jail Free Pass: Find yourself in Jail, once and only once, you can get out free, with a free trip back to the country from which you came. (Cheaper than keeping them in our jails!)

3. Can’t find work? We will provide you with one free trip home. (Again, cheaper than providing social services, medical etc).

4. Free English classes.

5. Are you pregnant? Or your wife? Free transportation back to your country for both you and your spouse on our medi-jet so that your child will born in your mother country and will have the same nationality as you. You do not want your child to deal with a nationality identity crisis do you?

Tipsy Tuesday, 4/27/10 Change in Pricing?

Keep submitting questions for  Norm, Barney and me to answer! I love the questions everyone’s sending. And you benefit from earning a free pattern! Remember, the question can be on any topic, not just about beadwork.

Ronit submitted this week’s Tipsy Tuesday Question.

“I recently caught up and read about your first craft show and I was wondering what method you used to price your jewelry then and whether your approach to pricing has changed over the years?”

My Response:

Yes, the way I look at pricing has changed. In the beginning, my line of thought was like a lot of other newbies. “They are just beads that didn’t cost a lot. I am just happy to make a little extra money with something I love doing in my spare time.”

What turned me around, was a two day workshop I went to. This work shop was intense. It covered how to display crafts for sale, how to apply to get into a show, photography, how to approach or deal with wholesalers and consignment, and all sorts of other business considerations on selling crafts (not just beadwork or jewelry). One of the 2 hour topics was on pricing.

I still remember the lady’s words. She asked what would we rather experience. The sale of 20 items at $20 for a total of $400, or the sale of 10 items at $30 for a total of $300.  At first most people said the 20 at $20. It was after all, $100 more in the seller's pocket. But then she threw in the details. If the items took 5 hours to make, the first case would pay you $4 per hour. In the second case you would make $6 per hour. That’s not counting materials. And in the first case, you will have spent 40 hours more making those items.

I know it looks confusing at first, but to explain the lesson I walked away with, was that while I might sell less with a higher price, I would make more on an hourly basis, and have product to take to the next show. In short, I wouldn’t have to work as hard. Isn't time the most expensive element in creating crafts?

Then the instructor also talked about “perceived value”. If you sell something for a low price, the customer thinks it is not a good product. They will rarely think it is a “Deal”. She told us that for a long time, she had her product at a low price and hardly sold much of anything (she made enameled light switch plate covers). So on the advice of a friend, she raised her prices by 30%. Surprise!! She couldn’t keep up with the sales. Suddenly, the customers saw her work as something that was worth having. They saw that her work was not mass produced. Her prices reflected the worth of her artistry and the customers also recognized it.

For me this class was a turning point. That was about 15 years ago. I have been thumping the drum for beaders, who are notoriously horrible at recognizing their worth, to sell their beadwork for the talent and artistry that they have.

 

Norm the Gnome in the Know’s Response:

I say start high, reach for the stars. Once you peg yourself as a cheapie, you will always be a cheapie. It is always easier to come down in price than raise prices later.

Barney the Brainy Bruin’s response:

I think some people should give their stuff away. What’s the point of selling something for 50 cents an hour.  Either you do charity or not. Get off the fence!

Padding

In between all my gardening and house chores this weekend, I needed to “get out” and take a break from all my work.

I went to the mall. This is something I do not do on a regular basis. It has been about a year since I visited the mall. I went to see what is new in the fashion world (as if I am ever influenced by it) and just to do something “girly”. Usually I have Jasmine with me for my “girly” escapades. Since she was down in Fresno, I just had to do this alone. It’s just not the same without her.   Sigh…

But, I still had my fun looking at things. Sometimes buying a pretty little frock to add to your wardrobe lifts your spirits. I did find some new pretties that I liked! Bright, colorful with embroidery! Yippie!! A throw back to the 70’s when that style was in!! I bought a couple items that I swear I had back then, but even if I still had them, I certainly wouldn’t fit into them.

I also needed a new bra or two. Mine are getting rather…well…let’s just say…remember how your mom always told you to wear good underwear just incase you got into an accident? I wouldn’t want to be seen in what I have been wearing under my winter heavy tops. So I thought perhaps I should look into investing in something new.

 “Investing” in a bra, is probably an apt way of describing the purchase. It’s CRAZY how expensive these things cost!!(I guess it has been a long while since I bought a new one!). Do these things come with a maintenance warranty now? Once I got over the sticker shock, I found that there was something else that bothered me.

A reminder, in case you have forgotten, I am not a petite gal. I am robust, having come from a long line of Germanic Farming stock. Big Bone structure, and I am need of being on a very good diet and exercise routine. I am browsing the big-girl (aka fat lady) store.

There are very few “Big Girls” who carry around “Little Girls” on their chest. Most of us “Big Girls” are very well endowed. So, I am looking at these bras that are PADDED. Now tell me, why in the world would someone who wears a 42DD NEED padding? Are they CRAZY? Where the hell were the “Minimizers” in this store? Do they even exist any more? I want to pack my girls in tight, make them look smaller, not put them in a padded sound proof case! My boobs already arrive 5 minutes before the rest of me does. With these padded things, my boobs would be thrust into another time zone!

This padding was not of the “modesty type”. You know, the kind that helps cover nipple erection when they pop up at full mast complete with scaffolding causing you to walk around with your arms folded over your chest to try to hide them. No…nothing of the light sort that I could understand the purpose of. This padding is nearly ¼ inch thick. They hung on their hangers stiff as a board, I had to look to see if there was something behind them to make them stand so perky.

I will admit, that I am not as informed about fashion as most females are. I don’t know one designer from another, I don’t know what’s hot in the fashion world. Perhaps there is something about these bras that I should know, being female and all. Maybe there are other uses for them that aren’t advertised that other women more knowledgeable than me know about. Maybe these padded mega bras have some guarded girly secret that I have been not let in on.

With that thought in mind, I left the store and pondered the possibilities. Those of you “in the Know”, please let me know if I am getting close to the real use of these mega sized padded bras.

1. Bumpers

We all hate bumping into things with our boobs. It can really hurt. The padding helps protect our sensitive protrusions and helps to prevent unsightly black and blue marks.

2. Parachute

You’ll never know when you might need a parachute. If you don’t need one to jump out of an airplane, you might need one if you fall off a cliff. Or perhaps your car’s brakes will give out. Hurl out these puppies, and it will create enough drag to save you!

3. Mask/Muzzle

Whether you need to muzzle your kids because they won’t shut up, or you find yourself over come with allergies from the pollen laden air, these bras can filter the air or muffle the noise. The amount of padding and the comfort of the fit will do the job. Choose a pretty print to coordinate with your clothing!

4. Feeding Trough

How handy is this? One side for food, the other for your beverage of choice! They will hold enough of each to satisfy the most ravenous of eaters. Plus you can strap it on to your face.

5. Blinders

A perfect cup size that can be used for race horses or for those with wide set eyes. Never again will you see something from the corner of your eyes that will make you bolt with fear!

6. Ear Muffs

Use these padded lovelies for protection against the cold, or for protection against loud hearing-damaging noises! The dense padding will keep warmth in and noise out. You could even install mini speakers in the thick padding so that you can listen to your favorite music.

7. Gold Panning

Why use boring metal pans when you can do double duty with a pair of padded double D’s? You’ll find your gold in no time!

8. Flower containers or starters

Be sure to buy the pretty flowery padded bras. You could plant flowers or your vegetable garden. Hang them by the straps so that the snails won’t get to them. The padding ensures adequate drainage while retaining enough moisture so that you only need to water once per week.

9. Seat Cushion

Are you sitting on hard bleachers? Or out in the woods with nothing comfortable to sit on? These handy garments provide soft cushy seating for two!

10. Floatation Devices

Who needs one of those ugly flotation devices? And who pays attention to the flight attendant anyways? In an emergency, will you really remember where these things are? Or how to put them on? Wear one of these padded bras, and you will always be ready to float for hours should your plane go down, or should your ship sink.

11. Air Supply

I swear, I would never have thought of this by myself. But there it is in the product description. “Removable Air Pads”. WOW!!! So not only do you have a flotation device, but oxygen as well! Just how prepared can you possibly be!! All this for a mere $32-$36!!

I need to go back to the mall and buy some padded bras!! Who knew!!?? It all makes sense to me now!

Narcissistic Sundays #20: The Dating Line-Up

Dating can be entertaining, if it weren't so depressing. What is "out there" is enough to leave a girl screaming. It is really amazing that some of these men actually function.

I am sure that there are many men who have their female dating-loser lists. Perhaps I am on a few of them. But that's how it is. Something for everyone....and you only hope that there is someone for you...and that you can find that person.

Here are a few of the ones that were on my dating loser- line-up:

Mr. Social Disease

Looking a tad bit like Keith Richards, or at least like a tortured punk rocker, he wore tight black jeans covering his pencil thin legs and a pink blazer, (I guess he was very secure in his manhood) He looked like he had not eaten in a month. Mr.S.D. proceeded to tell me of various STD’s that he had. And of his fantasies of being with a woman dressed as a nurse.

Hmmm….maybe his fantasies included the nurse successfully treating him for his STD’s?

Mr. Depression

A big Grizzly Bear type of guy, complete with a big beard. Seemed pleasant and cheerful enough. To my surprise, he admitted to severe clinical depression, various suicide attempts and a told me of the drugs he was taking to keep his depression under control.

Must be he had taken more than his prescribed dosage to be so happy during our meeting. I did not want to fulfill his desire to “find someone who would give him reason for living.”

Mr. Addiction

No, not drugs…but Sex. Yes, he openly admitted to being a sex addict. Luckily this encounter never got past the emails!!

Mr. I Can’t Do This

A fairly pleasant date over dinner. That is until he started talking about his X-girl friend. With tears in his eyes, he got up, apologized (“I can’t do this, I am not ready”) and ran out the door leaving me dumbfounded in the restaurant.

Mr. Social Butterfly


What I thought would be a quiet one one on one first meeting over lunch, turned out to be not so quiet. And not so alone. He had me meet him, and all his antique car club friends on our first "date" at a restaurant. (SURPRISE!!) That's right. There were 30 others on our "getting to know you date".  I was so speechless, I literally couldn't say a word. It was like being on a wedding reception line.

"Hello. My name is Sig, and your name is? How long have you know Jim?"

Mr. You Will Never Measure Up

I was really intrigued by this guy. He was intelligent, articulate, and we had a lot of similar interests. But all he did was talk about his X. She had been in the peace corps, she was president of the local save the critters organization and vice president of the tree huggers of the world. She was single handedly saving millions of children from starving, and stopped the third world war through her humanitarian efforts. She made Gandhi look like a war-monger. Now, if only he could meet someone just like her!

Mr. I’m Too Sexy for Myself

Oh the tales of his escapades and the wake of broken hearted women he left behind. Yes, he had superman endurance, and could “perform” all night long or so he claimed. By the way…”When we get together, would you please play with my nipples…”

Mr. Anarchist

An intelligent man, with radical ideas. All government was bad and needed to be overthrown. The pinko commies are ruining everything, as is the US government. In between squirting nasal spray up his nose every few minutes, I got a view of anarchy I never knew anyone would really wish for.

Mr. Butt

He told me he had a "butt fetish”. And told me the gory details….. What a shitty date!

Mr. Underground Sex Club

I must have been naïve!! I never knew such things existed!! YIKES!!!! What an eye opener!

 Mr. Drive By

I did send this guy a current picture (full length) of myself before our meeting. So he did have an honest true picture of what I looked like before our “date”. I waited for him outside Starbucks. He drove up, took a look at me, and with wheels screeching, he drove as fast as he could to make his get away.

Asshole.

Mr. Uncultured

This idiot lost interest in me when I talked about my interests in music. I have such a broad musical interest that includes everything from the Pop, World Music, New Age, Rock and more. When I started talking about my interests in classical music (especially having been a classical violinist), he became alarmed.

“Are you a librarian?”

“What??!! No. Why do you ask that?”

“You like Classical Music. Only Librarians would like Classical Music. I think you would be too dull and boring for my taste.”

Yeah…and you too blooming idiotic for me! Do I hear the theme of Deliverance in the background? Sheesh!!!

Mr. If I Can’t Be With You, then….

This guy was taken by me. As we emailed each other over time, it seemed like we would have a lot in common. It seemed that we had some sort of connection. I was really looking forward to meeting him!

Unfortunately, this connection did not carry through upon meeting him. To me, he seemed a different person. I don’t know why, but he really turned me off to the point of almost being repulsed by him. Something was not right.

He pursued me for a bit. I kept apologizing saying that we could be no more than friends, and that I wished him well.

He finally hooked up with someone who he said he fell in love with, and the feelings were reciprocated. He kept me posted on the “progress” but the tone of his emails were not of a friend talking to a friend but rather one of trying to make me regret not having chosen him. Finally, he went away, befuddled that I had no regrets.

Mr. I Will Date You When No One Can See You

On first meeting, this guy was WONDERFUL! Really nice looking with longish hair, intelligent and a good sense of humor. And he seemed to like me! Maybe this would work out.

Over several weeks, I learned that he was a supreme jerk. On a trip to the beach, he refused to hold my hand. “I don’t mind being with you, you are actually fun to be with, but I don’t want people to know I am with you in a romantic way. So don’t show me affection in public. Being seen with you embarrasses me because you are not of the physical type I would be proud of being with”.

I sat on the beach, pissed. He went off to “buy a soda”. It was getting late, and he had not returned. I walked around looking for him. I should at least give the creep a ride back over the mountain before I pushed his ass out. I couldn’t find him, so I left.

He had to hitch-hike back…I suspect he was trying to pick up another woman with better physical attributes than me at one of the beach bars.

Mr. How Long Do I Have to Wait?

Half hour into the face to face meeting he asks:

“So how long do I have to wait before we can have sex?”

Mr. I Am Filthy Rich and Can Afford All That I Want

I don’t know why I hooked up with this guy, since I answered his ad. I guess the fact that he was ½ Native American intrigued me and it was still during the time I was obsessed with Native American culture. After a couple emails, I found out that this guy was wealthy beyond my imagination. A philanthropist with many successful investments.

He came to pick me up in a very expensive car. Then proceeded to tell me that he was looking for “Arm Candy” to accompany him to various philanthropic functions and.. well…you know. He also stated that when he found “her”, she would never want for anything, ever.

I am not “Arm Candy” material. I made that clear before we met. It was a rather uncomfortable meeting.  He was a bit of a prick. He quickly ditched me after our lunch with some rude comment.

I answered his ad again, this time with a different name, stating that I was an exotic dancer and went into a “creative” description of how I could please him. Yes, I would “take care” of the “right man” if he would “take care of me”.  And would he mind meeting me at XXXXXX at 8pm. I would be the 5ft 8 blonde, big beautiful tits wearing high heels and a mini skirt, unmistakably beautiful as I was also a model.

I got an reply back to my “fake” email stating he couldn’t wait to meet me! It seemed that I was exactly what he was looking for.

I wonder how long he waited for "me" that night?

Next time:

The ones that sadly got away, and the one that stayed.

The Bead Business Part 2: Are You Legal?

Now that you have tons of beadwork, and you are itching to sell your work and make a business of it, what should you do?

My suggestion to you is to become “legal”. You might be able to “get away” without having the proper licenses selling a pair of earrings here and there, especially on a cash basis. But if you want to become a successful real business, you must have the proper licenses, otherwise you will find yourself in a heap of trouble.

Each City and State will have different requirements. So please check into what is required by the area in which you live. The examples I give, are for my area, specifically.

You may need a city business license. In my case, I have a business license with the City of Modesto. I have to pay a $75 annual license fee and pay 2% of my business income on a quarterly basis. Other cities have different rates. Some are significantly higher. Some have a flat yearly fee, some just a percentage, and others have a combination of a yearly fee with a percentage like Modesto has.

You may also need a State Sellers license (some people call this a resale license). This is for states that collect sales tax on items sold. When I filed for my license many years ago, I did not have to pay anything for the application. I did have to state my estimated monthly or yearly income. Of course, starting out I had no clue. So I gave them my best shot. I think they need to know this to determine if you will need to report on a quarterly basis or a yearly basis.

On behalf of all the retail sellers out there, I want to make this point clear. A Resale license does NOT give you as a buyer the RIGHT to buy beads or anything else tax free. It is a PRIVILEGE. This PRIVILEGE is given to you by the kindness of the retailer. They are not required by law to provide this perk to you.  For the retailer who sells you beads tax free, it is a royal pain in arse to keep and maintain the records that are required for you to have this privilege of making purchases tax free. Furthermore, do not attempt to buy items for your own use with your resale license. Buying a book, or a single kit for yourself does not qualify as a resale purchase even if you think that you might sell the book as a used book in the future, or the finished beadwork from the kit. In both cases, single purchases of these items are for personal use.  You have “used” the item prior to resale and this disqualifies the purchase from buying the items tax free. 

The purpose of a resale license is to avoid double taxation (and of course to collect sales taxes from you as the seller). If I buy beads and pay tax on them, and then resell them (as beads or as jewelry) and have to pay sales tax on the value of the beads again, would be double taxation. Tax was paid on the beads when I bought them. I would have to pay the State sales tax on the same beads again when I sell them. The license provides a means to not pay sales tax on items that would be resold.

I understand those retailers who choose not to sell tax free to resale license holders. I know that this license is often abused. It amazes me that some people put up a screaming fit if they have to pay the sales tax. If these people are using their resale license in an honest manner, then paying taxes at the point of buying materials would be of minor consequence. On the tax form, any sales tax paid prior to resale of an item is deductible from the taxes owed. So it all comes out in the end.

Check into your area’s requirements to make sure you have the proper licenses and permits. Financial penalties for not complying with the laws are not a pleasant thing to have to deal with.

Next time:  Wholesale? Retail? Internet? Shows?

I Love Lucy

I love my fine feathered friend. Lucy may not be as pretty as some of her more colorful counterparts, but what she lacks in bright plumage, she makes up for in personality.

Lucy is an African Gray parrot. More specifically a Congo African Gray. She has a gray body, her pale yellow eyes are circled by white that looks as if some molded her face with thumb and fore finger and she has a bright scarlet red tail feathers. Lucy is about the size of a pigeon, but other than that, any further comparison with that species of bird would be an insult.

I bought Lucy from a pet store in San Francisco about a year after Peanut, my former (Timneh African Grey) Parrot, escaped and flew away. Peanut was a “wild” bird. He never really became tame. But I loved him just the same. We played with each other, he loved to dance to music and he was a great talker. I just could never hold him or stroke his neck. Lucy, on the other hand was hand raised. After an adjustment period, she bonded with me. I can hold her, hug her, and pet her and tickle her tummy while she hangs upside down from my finger (while she says “Tickle-Tickle-Tickle!”). She loves the attention and affection.

If you have never had a bird in your life, it might come as a huge surprise at how affectionate, and what strong personalities these animals have. It is said that a Gray has the intelligence of a two year old child. Think about your child when he or she was two years old. Does the phrase “terrible twos” help bring back those memories?

Lucy has nearly every trait that a two year old child would have. Her vocabulary is nearly as good. I am convinced that she has some idea of what certain phrases might mean. When I fix toast with jam (one of her favorite treats) in the morning, she clutches the side of the cage beating her wings while giving me the one eyed stare and with her raspy parrot voice, she exclaims “YUMMY!! HUNGRY!!!” This goes on until she gets her share. When Lucy wants to come out of her cage, she will say “Come Out” interspersed with her screeches and food flinging, and when it’s time to go back, she says “Go back! Good Night, Lucy”. It is rather uncanny as she rarely says these things at the wrong time.

Lucy says “Good bye, see you later” with a sad voice when I go off to work, she tells the dog to “Shut up”, and to “lie down”. When the dog comes in, often times, she will say “Who let the dog in? WOO-WOO-WOO”, and when Jasmine and I have our gripe sessions about what ever went wrong in our days, Lucy will often chime in with “OH-MY-GAWD!!” or “WHAT-EV-ER!!”. When she drops something, she will eyeball the dropped item and exclaim “SH-III-TT!!!” The phone is fair game too her too. “BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP. Hello! How are you? Hmmm…yeah…Hee-hee-hee….Ok, Good-bye…BEEP”

If there is an interesting noise, Lucy will love to imitate it. Sirens, barking, meowing, the jays, burps, sneezes, a nasty mucusy cough that Jasmine had 3 years ago, and even my expresso machine are all fair game. What I like the most is her singing. She tries with all her little birdie heart to sing opera. I can’t understand a word, but there is no doubt that her lengthy attempts at crooning are to entertain, if not us, then for her own amusement.

As with any two year old, Lucy has her temper tantrums. When I come home from work, she understandably wants my attention. If I don’t come over to say “hi” right away, she will have her fit. First by flinging her food all over the place (I usually head over as soon as I come home to take out her food dish).  Then comes the bell clanging. There are 3 bells in her cage. The largest of the 3, I call her “Mad Bell”. The only time she rings it, or I should say, attacks it, is when she is mad at me. CLANG CLANG  CLANG!! Then some muttered bad words she learned from Steve (F**&**g SH&T!). When I try to make it right, she still has to let me know how displeased she is with me by giving me an attitude ( a body stance that says: no do NOT pet me and I don’t want to come out of the cage) with a threat to bite me. I will close the cage door and walk away. (CLANG CLANG CLANG). After a few minutes, I will go back to try to get her on my finger again. “I LOVE YOU…” she will say, then she gives me a kiss on my finger and all is well again. Her displeasure was made known, and what’s the point of holding a grudge?

Lucy often sits on the portable perch on my bead table. She likes to be near me and the beads fascinate her. Colorful and shiny, I understand full well her fascination with beads. Usually, she sits quietly, content to be out of her cage and next to me. Other times, when she is more rambunctious, Lucy will leave her perch to inspect what I am doing. She reaches out with her beak to feel the beads, coming ever closer. Sometimes she tries to fake me out edging closer with her head down making me think she wants her neck scratched when at the last moment, she tries to grab my beads. The little faker!!

Some times, when I try to put Lucy back in her cage to go to "bed", like many stubborn two year olds, she puts up a fight. As soon as she (sitting on my finger) gets inside the cage, she has a death grip on my finger, refusing to go on her perch. She then jumps on to my chest and burries herself tight as she can under my chin. She looks up at me with her squinty eyed look that I interpret as birdie love, and says "I love you." or  "Oh you" then gives me her little birdie kisses.  I pet her for a minute. She has her eyes closed and twists her head backwards or puts her beak to my nose, savoring another moment with me and being out of the cage. After 2 or 3 more attempts at putting her "to bed" she finally gives in, with a sad "Good Night, Lucy."

Yes, I love my Lucy. She is a great companion and a very special bird. She will probably outlive me as Grays can live to be in their 60’s, good health willing. Lucy is only about 5 years old, so she has a long and hopefully happy life ahead of her

A Letter of Sorts to You

I crawled out of bed this morning, just not wanting to go to work. I find that over the 21 years at my day job, that I am feeling this way with ever greater frequency. I went to the shower hoping that my mood would change somewhat, as it usually does. At least change from total resistance to quiet acceptance that this is what I must do.

After my shower, my mood had not changed. I contemplated calling in sick after all, I have nearly 900 hours of sick leave banked. But what if one day I REALLY become seriously ill and need to use the sick leave extensively? Nah…won’t call in sick. How about a vacation day, as I have over 500 hours to my credit? No…can’t do that just to mope around at home. I might as well mope around at work and get paid for it and besides, the weather is cold and pouring rain today. Gotta save those hours for a REAL vacation.

I started to wonder why I do what I do. Why do I struggle schlepping myself off to work every day? Why do I work so hard at creating patterns and beadwork? Why do I blog? The answers, well…my day job pays the bills. Beading and creating patterns help to fulfill a need to be creative. Blogging provides me another artistic outlet, and at times, an outlet in a Dear Diary kind of way. I have been a “closet writer” for most of my life. I hold “real” writers like Lee of Tossing It Out on a pedestal of sorts.( Do stop by and read his blog. He is amazing.) While I might never become a “real writer”, blogging is a good enough substitute for me.

I got dressed, fed my zoo and while my tea was brewing, I did a quick check of my email before I would have to drag my sorry lazy butt out the door to my J-O-B. As it happens at times, there was one email that really hit me. It stopped me in my tracks, it made me wonder why I would get an email like this? Do I really deserve it?

Those of you who have been reading my writing since The Cracked Bead, know that I have done my share of complaining (albeit in attempted humor for the most part) about situations and even some individuals. I have spouted off about attitudes that have pissed me off, and people who I have given a tongue lashing to. In short I have become a bead curmudgeon of sorts.

Of course not everything in my life is an annoyance. My life is not one continuous bitch fest. I do have my happy moments!  :)  There are some absolutely fantastic people out there. And it is about damned time that they get the recognition they deserve. It is about them that this post is really about.

This morning’s email from Lori uplifted my sad morning mood. In just a few sentences she, all by herself, lifted my spirits. She gave me the drive, the strength, the encouragement to continue on. What exactly she said, doesn’t matter for the purposes of this post, but she took the time and effort to email me with some very positive comments. And oddly enough, it was well timed, I needed something to cheer me up and get my motor running.

Lori is by far not the only person who has shown me kindness and encouragement over the years. Cheryl, Lorilee, Brian, Marty, Pat, Adeline, Ronit, Cindy, Gite, Gil, Bugs, Beverly, and Lee just to name a few have either left comments on this blog or emailed me directly have had an uncanny timing and a way to make me feel what I am doing is worthwhile. I have appreciated every single email or comment from all of you who have taken this time and effort to write. Some of you have become cheerleaders banging a drum of support for me in ways I never would have imagined.

It’s an amazing thing, for a quasi hermit like me, to connect with people over the internet. It amazes me that it is possible to make great friends just by typing a bunch of words with a keyboard and posting those words via email or by blogging. There are so many of you I consider friends whom I never met, nor do I even have the slightest idea of what you might look like.

Did I really deserve such a kind email from Lori this morning, or any of those sent by the rest of you over the years? I don’t know, but I am glad that each one of you did take the time to send me your kind thoughts. It is your spirit, and kindness that makes me love all of you. I never ever forget that if it weren’t for you, what I do has no meaning. To all of you who buy my patterns, kits, books and read my blog, even those who do so without comment, I thank you for keeping me going! You are the best!

Tipsy Tuesday, 4/20/10 Cylinder Beads

This week’s Tipsy Tuesday Question was submitted by Cindy. She earns a free pattern for her question!

Do you have a question (on any subject), please send it in for your free pattern!

When I first started peyote beading, I found my bead supply through a local 
artists/vendor (Beadcats) because they attended an annual bead bazaar that 
we have in Portland, Oregon each November.  I was new to beading and didn't 
realize that Delicas come from different manufacturers in different 
countries.  Beadcats have Czech Delicas.  I have also purchased Miyuki 
Delicas which I believe are from Japan.  Have you ever used the Czech 
Delicas?  I find that the Miyukis are more uniform in shape and size than 
the Czech.  There are some finishes to the Czech Delicas that I like better 
than Miyukis.  I realized this when working on a project and I was mixing 
the two manufacturers.  I would be interested in what you have found, if you 
have used Delicas other than Miyuki.

Have you worked with the new 15/0 Delicas?  If so, do you like them?  Have 
you experienced any problem other than the fact that there aren't as many 
colors as the 11/0 Delicas? 

My Response:

“Delica” is a trademark name registered by Miyuki of Japan. They are the only ones that legally manufacture “Delicas”. The generic name for this style bead is “Cylinder  Bead”, which I suppose comes from the fact that these beads are nearly square, but just the tiniest bit taller than they are wide.

Toho, also from Japan, manufactures cylinder beads as well under the trade names of Treasures (formerly Antiques) and the “precision cut” Aiko beads.

Generally speaking these beads do not mix well in bead weaving projects because the sizes are just a little different. You might be able to mix a few here and there, but if you use many of each type in the same beadwoven project, you will notice the size difference. Test this for yourself by making small panels of each and compare the size. I wish it were otherwise since each brand has wonderful colors that the other does not.

I am not aware of any Czech made cylinder beads that are comparable to Miyuki and Toho cylinders, but then I don’t claim to know everything that is available. If someone knows of Czech cylinders and where to get them, let me know! I am always curious about new beads!

I have used Delicas, (in sizes 15, 11 and 10), Toho’s Antiques (but have not bought any since they changed the name to Treasures), and Aikos. I love them all. Aikos are much more expensive (nearly twice) that of Delicas. I am not sure if I agree with their claim of being more precise than Delicas. Perhaps they are from hole end to hole end, but they have the same problem as Delicas when it comes to the wall width for different coatings (ie matte beads versus Ceylon style beads). Also, I find that Aiko walls to be thinner than Delica beads and subject to easier breakage.

Miyuki is vamping up the available colors in the size 15 Delicas. I think this is terrific! I like 15’s for creating detailed pieces and keeping the size of the project smaller.

Norm the Gnome in the Know’s Response:

Beading must be very much like laying down a stone walkway, isn’t it? You need different sizes and different types to get the job done. You can get a variety of shapes and colors of stones. Some are a little better than others, but all have their use.

Use what you like and what you can get your hands on. I have been known to swipe a few from my friend Lars’ pile now and then. He has so many, that he would never miss a few. Not that I suggest that you swipe beads from your friends, but do get them where you can and in every size shape and color, and always have extra!

Barney the Brainy Bruin’s Response:

Delica? What’s that??

OH!! Do you mean Deli-CA, as in Deli in California? I LOVE Delis!! Especially when they have smoked fish. I especially love the smoked white fish, the golden color that they have, the mouth watering aroma of the smoke house. They are heaven on a plate. And of course, I would never turn up my nose at smoked salmon or Lox. A good bagel, cream cheese, Lox and chives…Oh, I think I am going to drown in my drool!

Yes, I would recommend any Deli-( in)-CA!

Adventures in Gardening

At about this time every year, I feel inspired. The weather here in Modesto, CA is glorious! I feel what a desert flower must feel like with the spring rains. HURRY!! Bloom and Blossom before the summer inferno robs you of your energy and all you can possibly do is exist.

 Modesto’s spring is short lived, unlike the San Francisco Bay Area where the temperatures from April thru to September or October are Camelot Perfect. Spring in Modesto lasts but a few weeks before the 90 degree temperatures start to make me sweat. Soon after that, 100+ degrees strike with a vengeance making me shun the searing sun like a vampire and I begin to move at a snail’s pace. Just blinking my eyes makes me break out in a full body sweat when it is 110 degrees.

But it is a DRY heat.

Yes, I understand humidity, having lived in Upstate NY. The sultry July and August with the high humidity can make even 88 degrees unbearable. I remember those summers. I don’t care to argue which is worse, a dry 100 degrees or a sultry, humid 90 degrees. They are both uncomfortable.

None-the-less, this time of year, I really love working in my garden. I am really not much of a gardener, perhaps mostly due to the heat of the summer months (typically May-September in the CA central Valley). Many of my plants do not survive the summer. And I begin to lose interest in gardening when the temperatures reach over 100 degrees. Yet, every year, I try to be more tenacious about keeping my poor plants alive.

On Saturday, I went to the Garden Center and cheerfully bought my victims. I bought Pansies (my favorite garden flower along with fuchsias), marigolds and a variety of other pretties for my Gnomes. I bought tomatoes, watermelon, cucumber, basil (3 varieties), cilantro, parsley, and chives. I might even go back to buy a few more victims.

I planted my herbs and veggies in containers. There, they stand a chance of escaping the snails and slugs that over run my garden despite what snail killer I buy. Hopefully the plants will grow strong before the heat sets in and fries them in an hour’s time.

I moved out my Gnomes from my Gnome Village. I raked and pulled out all the weeds that I could (I did pull weeds before I went to England, but they came back with a vengeance!). Then I planted the flowers, and replaced my Gnomes. Some Gnomes look rather tired and sun bleached, but I still love them. I even bought a few new ones just to brighten up the Village.

I have a lot of Gnomes. Besides the Gnome Village, they can be found throughout the length of my backyard, and also they tend my front yard. I describe my house to those coming over for the first time as “the house with all the Gnomes”. The Gnomes are much easier to spot than the house number. 

If I get many more Gnomes, I might just get sight-seers driving by to see the “Crazy-Lady’s-Gnome-House”. Traffic will be backed up for miles as they drive by gawking and snapping pictures. Maybe I could sell guided tours offering photo-ops with various Gnomes and tell the life stories of my more eccentric Gnomes. Maybe I can offer home baked goods, finger foods, a fine selection of teas and sell my beadwork (with Gnome designs, of course) in a gift shop/cafe.  Oh, I can’t forget to include Barney. Even though he tends to be shier than the Gnomes, he still likes the attention and he is so dashingly photogenic. Do you think this is a good idea?

Oh well…I hope my plants do well this year. I hope that they survive the summer’s heat. I hope my Gnomes won’t lose all their color in the blazing sun. I hope the summer won’t be as brutal as last year!